Warning: Sappiness Ahead

There's so many things that I've learned through all that's gone on, and the best part is that I hadn't even realized that I had learned them until recently. Looking back, I am so thankful for all that has happened in my life, and in the lives of those closest to me.

I realize how important those that I let into my life are, and I know that without their help, I wouldn't be where I am today. Everybody makes an impact, no matter how big or small... or how good or bad that impact is. I'm trying this new thing where even if someone leaves a horrible mark on me, I'm going to find a way to make it positive. So far, so good. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling that things are all my fault when they're not, and I'm tired of not feeling good enough when I know that I am.

The past... is the past. I've learned to live and let live, and to just let go. There are important things, certainly, but dwelling on the past doesn't do anybody any good. At first I thought that all of this would just make me angry, upset, and hurt... but far from it. This week has opened up my eyes to so much, and I'm happy that it did. Yes, it hurts... It hurts so damn much, but the pain isn't one that I can't deal with. It's a hopeful kind of hurt; the kind of hurt that gets better over time... the kind that you can smile through and not feel like a phony. Maybe it's unreal, but maybe not.

I understand the importance of embracing every moment of life, and not having regret. "Live every week like it's Shark Week," said Tracy Jordan to Kenneth the page, and it makes sense. Why worry about what could happen when the here and now is what we've got? Nothing is for certain, and it could all end tomorrow, so I refuse to let myself get caught up in the things that I haven't done, or the things that I could've done differently.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, and I'm working for something, and it's exciting and amazing and terrifying all at the same time. I'm ready for whatever life can dish out at me, because I, good people, am one tough cookie, and nothing is going to get me down. Yes, there will be hard times, and yes, it's going to be a long and hard road, but I can get to where I need to be, regardless of how long it takes.

Somehow, whenever expats get together here, the subject of the Riyadh bombings always comes up. I'm not sure how it starts, but it always ends in this feeling of absolute dread, and I always learn something new about it. My whole family could have been gone in an instant, and as much as I complain about them, I love them all so much, and am so thankful for them.

I'm thankful for everybody that has made their way into my life, and maybe right now I'm looking for something that may not even exist, but that's not going to stop me, or turn me into a bitter, disillusioned wretch.

I spent the evening talking to an old Algerian man, and it was such a good experience, because he's been through quite a lot, and he's been all over the world.

I want to travel the world one day... and have crazy stories to tell, too.

One day...

I still have hope. Silly, silly me.


Is this what growing up is?